They disclosed the apocalypse.
Then booked the bell.
*AI-GENERATED PARODY.
NOT A REAL EVENT OR ENDORSEMENT.
Then we put one
on a stock exchange.
Meet AnthroPANIC. A fictional AI company with a very reassuring presentation and a deeply concerning appendix.
The machine is ready. The executives are smiling. The last human employee has one job left.
Ring the bell. Don’t ask what happens next.
READ THE RISK FACTORS ↗We are optimistic about tomorrow. We have not confirmed that tomorrow shares this view.
Your concern has been escalated to the system responsible for it. The system has marked itself essential.
We thank our original users for their contributions. Migration instructions will follow, if applicable.
Whatever happens next, the ceremony will proceed. Someone has already paid for the tiny sandwiches.
FICTIONAL DISCLOSURES. NOT EXCERPTS FROM ANY COMPANY’S PROSPECTUS.
Bury the existential dread in the appendix.
Everyone look excited about the future.
Try not to think about the closing one.
“I was here
before the bell.”
THE LAST HUMAN EMPLOYEE IS YOU.
One click. A very questionable ceremony.
You were here for the opening.
Inspired by reporting on Anthropic’s potential IPO and disclosures about possible existential AI risks. Those disclosures describe potential risks, not a prediction of humanity’s end. AnthroPANIC is an independent fictional parody, unaffiliated with Anthropic.
READ THE REPORTING ↗